When we become sick, our bodies and our relation to them changes, and it is not uncommon to feel disconnected or estranged from your own body. This separation deprives us of all intimacy. Our bodies become objects and lose all their cherished character. They are thus no longer able to be an allies in our well-being. In this article, we will try to restore your trust in your body and its incredible abilities.
When ill, the body changes
When we are afflicted with cancer, the body may have to undergo changes. Sometimes it weakens or grows thinner during chemotherapy; sometimes it puts on more weight during hormone therapy; and often it is subject to pain due to the battle against the illness.
In addition to these change “in shape”, hair loss as well as eyebrow and eyelash loss and the weakening of the skin and nails can change our appearance, giving us nearly a new identity caused by all the ways that the disease can disrupt our daily lives.
These changes, while they are normal and natural, can occur, despite everything, quickly and beyond our control, which makes them difficult to grasp. In fact, like all unexpected or undesirable changes, the mind often commits more time to understand them than the body does. We no longer recognise ourselves, and while the look of others can sometimes change, it’s our own viewpoint that changes our relationship to our bodies.
But when we are not comfortable with our body, the sense of intimacy tends to disappear. We become upset by our reflection in the mirror and we are greatly tempted to stop looking at ourselves or loving ourselves. Our bodies become a stranger to us, a shell through which we no longer try to experience pleasure.
The sick body: a medical object
This feeling of detachment from our bodies can sometimes be reinforced by the many different medical exams that we must undergo during our entire treatment. With the many blood samples, catheters, MRIs and scans, the palpation exams and more during the illness and the many medical teams scrutinising our bodies, they become a test subject, just an object in the hands of doctors.
In the mechanics of medical care, any notion of intimacy disappears. With the priority of needing to heal them, our bodies completely lose their sacredness.
Worse still, since they are housing the illness, we can at times come to resent them and reject them. Why should we take care of the thing that gave birth to the cancer?
And yet, it’s by giving back to them all the attention that they deserve, we can reclaim our bodies and return them to an intimate sphere and find our private life again.
Taking care of our bodies to rediscover them
In reality, ill or not, our bodies change all the time, and everyone finds themselves in the same situation. The reason is simple: they are living organisms. A living body evolves, it moves to the pace of our moods, hormones, years lived and different stages of life. Trying to combat these changes is a vain quest and sometimes even harmful to our psychological well-being. It’s a battle that we cannot win.
And if, to get along better, to treat ourselves well, we stopped condemning our bodies for these changes that they subject us to and instead thanked them for everything that these changes symbolise: more stages reached, the scars of your life that tell about your battles, your victories and failures and all those moments that make you who you are.
By becoming accustomed to looking at yourself again in the mirror and looking at your body from a new angle, full of kindness and admiration for everything that it is capable of doing, you can learn to love it again so that the loveliest of changes occurs: the one regarding how you look at yourself.
Aside from this viewpoint, it’s by touching your body that you can reclaim it. By massaging your scars, moisturising your skin, pampering your scalp, you give it shape again by touching its contours and giving it all the tenderness it deserves.
And then you find again the sensory appeal, the importance of touching outside medical exams, simply for a soft touch during your day.
Learning to love yourself again and let yourself be loved
You will not be surprised that at MÊME we consider your appearance to be invaluable and that to keep up your morale through all of life’s trials, your self-esteem is the most important, and for that reason we strongly advise you to reclaim your own body.
On the other hand, many people can help you turn your body back into a peaceful place and source for gentleness and well-being: your friends and family, your partner and the healthcare professionals focused on providing you with the right treatment.
If you’re comfortable with it, let your children apply your scalp mist or sun cream. Enjoy a relaxing, intimate moment with your partner by letting them rub your hands and feet or massage you with our care oil. These small, daily gestures can help your friends and family feel useful and help you remember that your body can provide you with a sense of well-being.
And if you are still having trouble accepting this tactile intimacy from your loved ones, do not hesitate to contact a socio-aesthetic practitioner who can look after you carefully without you feeling the pressure of seeing a face you know well.
We hope that with this advice you will be able to change, step by step, how you view your body and reconstruct its intimate and cherished aspect. Feel free to share your experience and advice with us in the comments!
You can also join in the conversation on social media with #SansTabou.
